Ever tried to change a habit so deeply ingrained that it felt like trying to speak in a French accent for twenty-four hours straight? You start strong, full of confidence, but before long, you’re tired, distracted, and slipping back into your old ways. That, in essence, is what schemas are—those deeply wired beliefs and patterns that drive our behaviour, often without us realising it. They’re the invisible scripts running the show, shaping how we respond to stress, feedback, failure, and relationships at work.
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I came across schema therapy years ago while working in some pretty confronting environments—psychiatric hospitals and rehab centres—where human behaviour is on full display. It fascinated me that two people could experience the same situation but react in completely different ways. One might crumble under pressure while another thrives. The more I studied, the clearer it became that these reactions weren’t random; they were shaped by schemas built early in life and carried quietly into adulthood. Eventually, I trained formally in schema therapy and coaching and have used it ever since because it gets to the heart of why we do what we do.
Schemas begin forming in childhood, through role models, family experiences, trauma, temperament—all the raw ingredients that shape our worldview. By adulthood, they’re well established. That’s why, even when we desperately want to change a behaviour, we often find ourselves reverting to the familiar. It’s not weakness; it’s wiring. Take perfectionism, for instance. You probably know someone—maybe it’s you—who spends endless hours getting things just right, never satisfied, never switching off. They achieve a lot, but at enormous personal cost. Or think of the colleague who says yes to everything, who’s the first to volunteer and the last to rest. On the surface, it looks like dedication. Underneath, it’s often self-sacrifice—an ingrained belief that other people’s needs matter more than their own.
I once worked with someone who embodied that perfectly. She was brilliant, generous, always helping others, but constantly on the edge of burnout. When we explored her schemas, two stood out: self-sacrifice and approval seeking. She loved giving, and there was real joy in it, but it had tipped into imbalance. The hard part was that she saw this quality as one of her best traits—and in many ways, it was. The goal wasn’t to erase it, but to help her set boundaries so that her giving didn’t come at her own expense. Through our sessions, she started pausing before saying yes and asking herself one question: “Do I have the bandwidth to take this on?” It sounds simple, but that pause created space for her to choose consciously rather than automatically. That’s the kind of micro-shift that changes everything.
Schemas aren’t bad in themselves. In fact, most of them start from a positive need: love, safety, belonging, achievement. The trouble comes when those needs get exaggerated or distorted.
A schema like unrelenting standards might push you to perform at a high level, but it can also drive you into exhaustion. Approval seeking might make you personable and collaborative, but it can also trap you in a loop of overworking or people-pleasing. The trick is learning to recognise when your schema has taken the wheel and when your “healthy adult” self needs to step in. That’s what schema coaching helps you do.
When we talk about schemas in the workplace, they often reveal themselves through patterns in team dynamics. The perfectionist manager who can’t delegate because “no one does it right.” The self-sacrificer who quietly takes on everyone else’s load. The approval seeker who over-communicates and needs constant reassurance. These patterns don’t just affect individuals—they ripple through teams, shaping culture, productivity, and wellbeing. Once you can see them for what they are, the whole dynamic starts to shift. You stop labelling people as difficult and start understanding what drives them. It opens up empathy, collaboration, and surprisingly, performance.
One of my favourite moments in a session is when someone realises they’ve been living according to an outdated script—and that they have the power to rewrite it. In a live demonstration during a recent masterclass, we explored this with a participant named Jenny. Her challenge was boundaries and work-life balance. She was saying yes to everything, at home and at work, until she felt stretched to breaking point. When we traced it back, it linked to her early experiences of having to prove herself through effort and care. Understanding that connection gave her permission to change the pattern. By recognising the schema in action, she could consciously choose a healthier response. Watching that shift happen in real time was remarkable. You could almost see the weight lift as she realised she didn’t have to keep operating from that old belief.
That’s what I love about this work. It’s not about fixing people; it’s about awareness. Once you understand your schemas—where they come from and how they play out—you can start to shrink their influence. You begin catching yourself mid-pattern, choosing differently, and being kinder to yourself and others. And when that happens across a whole team, the results go beyond individual well-being. Communication improves, conflict reduces, trust builds, and performance naturally follows. It’s powerful because it’s real change, not surface-level wellness fluff.
So if you’ve ever wondered why some challenges keep repeating despite your best efforts, or why certain colleagues trigger you more than others, it’s worth taking a closer look backstage at your own schemas. They’re not flaws to eliminate; they’re part of your human wiring. The key is learning how to work with them rather than against them.
If this has sparked something for you, let’s talk. I love exploring these patterns with people—helping them see what’s driving behaviour beneath the surface and finding practical ways to build awareness and balance. Reach out, and let’s have a conversation about how schema coaching might help you or your team get backstage to your own human operating system.